Hey guys!
It's been awhile. I don't want to write y'all if I don't have anything to say, and I haven't had much to write about lately... Honestly, I've been struggling a lot with contentment. I want to be at a different place in life, and it's frustrating that I'm not there. I'm mostly talking about school; both my degree and Etienne's. I know I'll look back and it'll feel like the blink of an eye, but right now, the day to day can drag along. There are so many things I want to do with my life, but can't find the time for because school takes precedence. That's what frustrates me. I say all that to say this: yesterday Etienne asked why I hadn't written lately and that's basically what I told him. And he reminded me I need to find the joy in the little things every day. And he's right.
So today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. It's actually tomorrow, but Etienne let me open my presents and eat my cheesecake (which he made all by himself) today. It was a pretty good haul! My Disney movie collection increased, which makes me happy. And I got a new wallet! I've had my old one for probably six years now and it's pretty worn. So I got to go through every thing in the old wallet and condense it into my new wallet, which won't hold as much junk (a fine quality for my sentimental, pack rat tendencies).
I couldn't believe some of the things I found in there! All sorts of ancient artifacts from the recent years of my life. Receipts galore from as far back as 2010; I kept them for the various memories tied to them. But today, most of them got thrown out, because those memories really don't mean much anymore. They're nice, don't get me wrong, but they're in my noggin. I don't need a memento in my wallet, as well. And cleaning out that wallet taught me an important life lesson.
I learned it's good to clean out your life every once in a while. How much stuff do I have stashed in secret corners of my life that I don't even know about, but stumble across every now and then... And why? I went through a phase in life where I was afraid of forgetting. I didn't want to forget any detail of my life, no matter how small. I wanted to know the kind of person I was at age 13 when I'm age 90, so I started keeping a journal and collecting random little things that mean absolutely nothing to anyone else. I wanted to know the people I used to be close to and the things that were so important then. I still want to know those things. But I'm not afraid of forgetting anymore. Because I know that I have so many memories to make ahead of me, and I couldn't possibly store everything. In fact, I don't think it's healthy to store everything. It's good to clean out your life and make room for the here and now.
I do think it's important to cherish memories and old photographs or trinkets or whatever it is that sends you back to way back when. But I don't need to be as fastidious as I've been. I don't need to carry the weight of my past along with the weight of every day and the weight of an uncertain future. Memories are great, but they belong in the past. They belong in the secret chest way back in the closet that you dust off only every once in awhile to smile over the hidden treasures within. They belong in the heart. Not the wallet.
I will say this though: there's something to be said for being so in love with life that you find something special in a receipt or an old pen or a candy wrapper. I need to hang onto that love without all the stuff.
I've been missing Ohio a lot lately, and I know that adds to my melancholy. I don't know how to get over that one, but I'm continually working on it. There's just nothing like your childhood home, wherever that may be.
Much love to you all,
Elizabeth
